Even though I know it’s a terrible idea, I always find myself reaching for that nightly Starbucks Frappuccino. I’m not even sure the caffeine does anything anymore—I think I’ve just trained myself to believe that sweetness and late nights go hand in hand, that this ritual somehow makes the long hours bearable.
My eyes would slowly scan the paper, picking up random words here and there but unable to comprehend what the sentences mean, and how they interact with each other. As I keep going, I fall into a trance, eyes strained from staring at the tiny words under the dim lamp-light. It feels so warm. As every second passes, my eyes close a little more, slowly reaching the comfort I have been longing for.
Suddenly, my body jolts upright, bringing me back into reality from my momentary slumber. Shit not again. I glanced around my surroundings, frantically looking for something to stimulate my dazed mind. Ray Bradbury, “The Pedestrian” that’s what I was reading. I shift my attention to the book and trace my steps back to the beginning of the page, hoping to gain a clearer understanding of what I was reading. Even though I knew my attempts would be futile, I continued to try, I had to.
Finally done. Relief. As quickly as I could, I navigated to Gmail, and then clicked on my UCLA email address. As soon as I click the link, the dreaded page comes up. Fuck Duo Mobile. Now is not the time for Duo Mobile. I push off from my desk, sliding my rolling chair all the way to the nightstand on the other side of the room. There my phone lays resting, notifications waiting to suck me into their reality. Not this time, just Duo Mobile right now. I swiped right on the notification, prompting the large green checkbox, which I quickly accepted. I drafted an email, looked for the file to attach, and hit the send button. The night is officially over.
Who knew I could be so wrong. I walk into my closet, perusing my nightclothes, looking for the coziest pajamas to dress myself in. Legs first, I wrap myself in the soft green pants that warm up my entire body. After quickly brushing my teeth, I arrive at my bed, with my thick blanket unraveled sprawled across it. My entire body sinks in, immediately sedated by the warmth of the blankets piled on top of me. My phone lights up my face as I scroll through Reddit without thinking. Minutes pass. Maybe hours. Time gets slippery. Eventually, my body gives in, and I drift off—not quite asleep, not quite awake.
My mind wanders from the conscious to subconscious, and all of my subliminal thoughts come to life, filling my surroundings with vivid colors. I traverse a universe of my own creation, filled with my favorite pieces of art, food, and places. I’ve been able to lucid dream ever since I was a kid. It was the part of the night, that I actually enjoyed.
This has been Lucid Dreams, an ode to remote learning in the pandemic. Hopefully this story gives you a glimpse of what it was like to be a Freshman at university in 2020.
Linked Map of Contexts